Warning: The following information may be “triggering” for some. I understand that I am in my late 40s, and the language of the younger generation is constantly evolving. However, specific terms have infiltrated religious circles, and they can dilute the truth while masking larger issues that genuinely exist. I intend to help, not hurt, so please consider my perspective. 

Understanding Some Terms

Rage-Baiting: This occurs when someone deliberately says or does offensive or emotionally charged things to provoke an angry or upset reaction from another. Their goal is often to gain attention or manipulate a situation, rather than genuinely resolve conflict(s). It’s akin to picking a fight, turning minor disagreements into much bigger ones, not only to gain a reaction but also to control interactions.

Gaslighting: In a personal context, gaslighting is a form of manipulation where one person causes another to question their own perceptions, memories, or reality itself. It is a pattern of behavior that leads the victim to doubt their own judgment, ultimately fostering insecurities and reliance on the perpetrator for discernment. 

Narcissism: In modern vernacular, narcissist can refer to one who is excessively preoccupied with themselves, their image, and their needs, often at the expense of others.  At the core lies a profound lack of empathy, a sense of entitlement, and constant need for admiration. Narcissists are said to exhibit these traits consistently, often creating toxic, one-sided relationships.

The Problem with the Use of Certain Terms in Religious Contexts

It seems to be very “in-vogue” for people to label others a narcissist. The problem I have with this is that narcissism is an actual clinical diagnosis — known as narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). It is a complex mental health condition, and Christians should certainly refrain from playing doctor by trying to psychoanalyze and diagnose others. Some are conflating terms, which may be inaccurate at best. Moreover, it can confuse, as many level-headed Christians who hear such terms immediately shut down and stop listening to the conversation because of the use of “in-vogue” terms. This is a significant concern, though I understand both sides of the issue. That is why I’m writing about this now.

I know individuals who have been sorely mistreated, and I also know of others who wish to combat these sinful behaviors that are ever-present within religious circles. Therefore, by all means, let’s try to educate ourselves and find common ground. 

Issues Getting Distorted, Neglected, and Unresolved

There are very real problems that must be addressed, and the challenges facing the world will inevitably affect Christians. The reality is, some people take absolute pleasure in provoking others and making them feel out of control. Moreover, bullies will continue to lie and manipulate those in their circles of influence. Furthermore, some are self-centered and only care about themselves (in the extreme)! They will disregard others’ feelings to get whatever they want, and I have personally suffered at the hands of individuals who engage in such SINFUL behavior (yes, even among Christians). It breaks my heart to hear of others seeking comfort and refuge among the Lord’s body, only to be mistreated by those in whom they place their trust. That is a special kind of heinousness! I’m with you in that.

While there are, indeed, those in religious circles who abuse their positions of influence, I prefer to call these behaviors by the names God gives them. The New Testament teaches against provoking one another, all forms of dishonesty, and prideful, controlling behavior. There are, too, those within the church who must be confronted and held accountable (2 Cor. 13:1-10; Tit. 3:10; 3 John 9-10). And that’s at the heart of this discussion. I want to stand with those who are struggling and mistreated, but I also want to exhort everyone to return to the Bible so that we can discuss these issues with better clarity.

Call It for What It Is: SIN

On social media, some who wield influence continue to use such in-vogue terms not found in the Bible. I recognize that words and their meanings can change over time, and that our culture may use terms unfamiliar to the aging population. However, when buzzwords arise in religious discussions, one may end up unnecessarily blunting the effect of their efforts to confront real issues. So, I implore those of you with sound reasoning skills to start calling these behaviors exactly what they are: sins that disrupt fellowship among believers, hinder their relationship with God, and rob them of much joy in the Lord. 

Let us not become conceited, provoking one another (Gal. 5:26). 

Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man (Col. 3:9).

God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble (Jas. 4:6). 

Nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples (1 Pet. 5:3).

Let us work together, label things for what they are, and be a source of comfort to those who are hurting.